Background

I met Chris when he was in middle school, I was in junior high school and his siblings were in high school.  Yes, I grew up with Chris and know his family very well.  Chris is the youngest of three siblings–the oldest is a boy and the middle child is a girl.  Chris’s family is very close and influenced me a lot when I was younger.  Specifically, the relationship of Chris’s parents.  Chris’s parents were together, together.  They were intimately in love as far back as I can remember.  They shared this love with their children and their children shared it among each other.  Do not get me wrong, yes there were sibling arguments.  But, the love shared throughout the family could not be broken.  Chris’s strong knit family ties are definitely apparent in the following interview.  Read it in its entirety and share your comments below the interview.

The Interview

Where are you from?

I am from Cincinnati, Ohio.  Sadly, I live with my family.  I can’t answer why I have moved, because I haven’t. However, I plan to move out shortly after I land a real job after I finish with school.

Define manhood.

I’ve heard a myriad of similar definitions of manhood.  Most of these definitions are not bad definitions, per se, but they seem content to boil manhood down to a set of platitudes. They are forged in such a way that an individual may easily learn them and quickly reply to the question “What is manhood?” without thinking. For this purpose these definitions are very effective. However, by being so pithy they often belie the significance and profundity in the individual’s life and society as a whole.

Manhood is (or at least should be) an essential pursuit in the lives of half the world’s population. It is found in some very high measure of maturation that has led a boy from the vain banalities of childhood to a strong and selfless adulthood, and all this in a distinctly masculine fashion. While physical maturation is needed, it is the least indicative of manhood. I’ve been at college a long time, so I’ve seen many guys who are physically men, but haven’t the sense (or moral uprightness) God gave a dog. The mental, relational and, most of all, spiritual facets of his life will be the truest test of his manhood. With his body, a man interacts with nature. Here he must master the nature within himself as without through discipline. With his mind, a man interacts with himself. He must learn who he is and what he believes. While he might or might not believe what his parents believed, he believes as such for having reasoned it out for himself. From that he forms a worldview out of which he lives his life. Thus, he knows his responsibilities and faces them head on, instead of simply letting life happen to him and shirking his duties. With his relationships, a man interacts with others. He must be wise enough to recognize in which relationships he leads, in which he follows or serves, in which he walks along side and the many “shades of gray” that exist among these. In these relationships he takes his position unashamedly and bravely. He leads humbly as an act of service, and serves proudly as an example for others. Despite the differences of position and hierarchy, he recognizes the equality of all mankind. Though God is inescapable in all areas of life, in his faith, a man interacts with God most directly and intentionally. He learns to be child of God in Christ-likeness and obedience to God. He accepts that God has greater things in store for him, even if the greatness of these things cannot be seen in this life.

It would be total hypocrisy for me to say that these signs of manhood must be met in perfection for a man to be called a man. Only one Man since the Fall has done that. Still a man should recognize where they are deficient and actively pursue the betterment of his manhood. Of a man, people should be able to say he is disciplined, wise, loving and good.

So, all that as context for a definition. If I could create a concise definition (at the risk of creating a new platitude) it would be as such: “Manhood is the dutiful pursuit of discipline, wisdom, loving-kindness and goodness through diligent thought and courageous action.”

How is manhood portrayed positively in your life?  A mentor, father, grandpa, etc.

My father has been and still is an excellent masculine figure in my life. He isn’t perfect but has done well to instill a strong work ethic and deep sense of familial responsibilities.  My grandfather was also an important figure, not simply in how he lived, but also in how he died. Also working hard and loving his family, he struggled in his last two years to maintain dignity and displayed a potent example for how to approach death.

How do you exemplify positive manhood toward the next generation?

Having no children and little interaction with them outside my family, exemplifying manhood to the next generation is more esoteric for me than it would be for a father or a teacher. First, I try to be a consistent male figure for my nieces and nephews. While still being the goofy, fun uncle, I back up the efforts of my brother and brother-in-law in their kids’ lives. When my brothers are not present I discipline them in manners consistent with theirs, and when they are present I support their actions.

How do you exemplify positive manhood with your peers?

Here again, I am not a husband so the most obvious way of expressing manhood to a peer is not pertinent for me. Still, I have many female friends with whom I try to treat respectfully and have presented myself up as a go-to guy for confronting another man who is not treating them right or acting appropriately around them. Among men I try to interact in such a way as to promote thoughtfulness and then potent action in their lives. There are many problems with men in American society today, but I believe the biggest problem is that we have abandoned our minds and have accepted the stereotype of the “funny fat guy” that has a lot of fun while oafishly trying to run his life and affairs. As such it is my desire to encourage men to think deep and consider hard concepts.

Any final words or comments?

“We need the iron qualities that go with true manhood. We need the positive virtues of resolution, of courage, of indomitable will, of power to do without shrinking the rough work that must always be done.” Theodore Roosevelt