Background
My, my , my… Where can I begin. The Dr., Dr. C, K-rilla? Ken and I have known each other for quite some time. We met in college (in the 90s). Ken stayed focus in our science classes while I goofed off for four years. Nonetheless, Ken and I have plenty of stories of each other. Many nights we discussed everything from Louisiana to martial arts to women. Ken is a true friend and a true man. Listen to his words and enjoy what he has to share. Ken definitely exerts his “unique” view of manhood in the interview below. Check out his experience and share your thoughts to his views in the comment section.
Interview
Where are you from? Where do you live now? Why the move?
Born in Detroit, MI. Currently live in Arlington, VA. I moved because I took a job with a company based in the DC Area.
Define manhood.
Manhood is a hard thing to define. It’s a squishy term, since it’s just an idea. It’s not like an apple; you can point to a real-world instance of the idea “apple.” You can’t do that with manhood. With that in mind, I’ll also say that manhood can’t be defined without also defining womanhood, since masculine and feminine are opposites, in a yin/yang sort of way. Any definition someone comes up with would be tied to the culture(s) that person identifies with.
I’d rather define some attributes of human adulthood, and then cheat by saying a male human who has transitioned into human adulthood embodies manhood. Basically, human adulthood is what results when a person realizes that all they can possibly know for sure was stated by Descartes’ cogito ergo sum. I think, therefore I am. I know that I exist, and that’s all that I know, full stop. With adulthood, all the bullshit that people do stops. Adults don’t mistake the map for the territory, meaning they don’t mistake their view of the world for the world itself.
Many things come with the transition to adulthood. One attribute is an intrinsic understanding that I am responsible for everything in my life. Not in terms of blame or fault, but in terms of the willingness to respond. Whatever happens in your life, you have to deal with it. The buck stops here. Of course, doing nothing is a perfectly valid response. You respond within personal capabilities, according to what you see as being needed right now. All this stuff about responsibility means that you’re connected to everything that is happening now and has happened in the past. An adult accepts or realizes that their responsibility is limitless.
How is manhood portrayed positively in your life? A mentor, father, grandpa, etc.
Technically, I can’t answer this and the following questions as they’re intended. I have only personally met one person that was clearly a human adult. I know of others that are likely adults themselves. The non-adult that I know who was closest to being a genuine adult was my maternal grandfather. Within a cultural context, I can say that my grandfather has been the most positive male influence in my life and the lives of other men in my extended family.
At my grandfather’s funeral, many of his friends and fraternity brothers shared how they held him as the example of what a husband should be. It wasn’t accidental that my grandparents were married for nearly 53 years. My father was pretty great too. He had a slow start in the manhood department, but he picked up speed later in life.
Another influence was the neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson. I was introduced to his story as a child and he was a tremendous role model for me. You might say that he was my hero. Two other role models are Steven Barnes, author/martial artist, and Scott Sonnon, the martial artist/genius of human movement. However, the largest influence on my life has been the one human adult that I’ve met, Jaggi Vasudev. Meeting him has perhaps been the defining moment in my life.
How do you exemplify positive manhood toward the next generation?
I’m focusing on my brother and his son. As for how… well, I can’t sell something I don’t have (unless I’m playing the markets). So, I’m slouching towards adulthood. I was once told that a person should lead by example, so I try to do that. I figure that whatever happens to me, I can positively affect them by osmosis. That’s really just heuristic though.
Any final words or comments?
Potentially, one could argue that responsibility is limited by special relativity. In a nutshell, there are parts of the universe that we can’t see and will never see, because they’re receding at speeds faster than light. This boundary is called the horizon. This argument is logical, but wrong. Responsibility is about the willingness to respond. Ability to respond is limited by capabilities and physics, but willingness can be limitless.
