Background
I am very thankful to share this this interview with my readers. Raphael Armand, a collegiate friend, shared his thoughts regarding manhood this week. Raphael is quite an intelligent man and is the offspring of wonderful, hard-working parents. Despite this pedigree, Raphael still faced challenges and struggles. He faced and continues to face challenges many of us have faced. However, Raphael did not let these challenges stop him. Listen to how the negative experiences positively affects his optimistic outlook on life and how his negative experiences made him into the great gentleman he is today and is growing into in the future.
Interview
Where are you from? Do you plan on living there the rest of your life? Why or why not?
Queens, NYC. I don’t plan on living here for the rest of my life. I love my city and my part of it in particular, but I have less of a need for what the things a northeast urban environment offer. Weather is a big factor. If I never see another snowfall or even a sub 40 degree day it will be too soon. I’d like to move to the West coast. The notion that it’s more casual and laid back is not entirely untrue. I’m a very easy going guy and have always felt at home in fast-paced environments, but would certainly enjoy a slower pace as well.
You and I met at Dartmouth College through a mutual friend. How was your experience at Dartmouth? What did you learn from that experience?
I had a mixed experience at Dartmouth. On the face of it things were difficult. I failed academically and had a couple of arrests. But I’ve generally loved every person I’ve met by attending Dartmouth. Life long friends to be sure. My experiences–for better or worse–shaped the person I am today and for the most part I like the person I am today. My views on people, on life, on dealing with adversity, on guilt, shame, judgment, depression, relationships, friendships, education, love, everything that defines who I am and who I am not has a direct connection to my experiences at Dartmouth. And for that it will always have a special place in my heart.
Define manhood.
Tough question. In many ways I believe that distinctions in gender roles are arbitrary. I don’t think either gender has a monopoly on any human trait or quality. We just express them in different ways. But I do think we are wired differently by evolution.
I would say manhood (in any culture) is characterized by independence, control, curiosity and a desire to build and create.
Since I’m of the belief that no society or culture is inherently superior to any other, including my own, this definition is the only criteria I use to evaluate a person’s “manhood”.
How is manhood portrayed positively in your life?
I have no shortage of “positive” portrayals of traditional conceptions of manhood. My father is a proud, hard working and intelligent man who never took an extra day off work. His example and that of my mother rubbed off on all of my siblings and I consider my younger brother a good example of what is is to be a man. He too is bright, hard working, driven, but also a liver and lover of life.
Popular media is a mixed bag. Plenty of negative images are put out there, but just as many positive ones as well. In fact, in this day and age, EVERYTHING is out there so for someone like me it’s no problem to sift through the garbage.
I will say that I don’t think enough attention is paid to the equality of different conceptions/perceptions. Pop media will show you differences, but it’s hard to do so without also showing that one is better or worse. This, I don’t like.
How do you portray positive manhood to the next generation?
I don’t think about this too much. For the most part I just try to be the best person I can be for myself. Not out of selfishness, but because all things start with the individual. I can’t be a good son, brother, friend, lover, husband or father without first being a good person. And I don’t want to be a good person to set a good example. I just want to do it because I think it just works best for everyone including myself.
Now it just so happens that I am naturally the type of person who likes to help/counsel/teach others. I don’t do so intrusively. I let it happen organically. But if someone is in need of any of that it is just in my nature to do so. Since I’ve had my fair share of difficulties and since I accept (but not excuse) my flawed being, I am honest about what I’ve learned, experienced and expect for the future. But most importantly, I LISTEN.
I think that at the end of the day, honest and sincerity and a willingness to listen are the most important factors when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Because it breeds trust. So if people around me can TRUST that I am genuine in my attempts to be the best man I can be and they TRUST that I value their thoughts, emotions and perspectives as I do my own, then I think I will be positively portraying my sense of what being a man is all about.
